Over the weekend my dread and doubts really started to surface. I have changed some of my eating habits to be a bit healther, but I know I would only be able to sustain that "heathly eating" lifestyle for so long before I "fall off the wagon". Right now I am working on the fact that I am nervous. For the last 2 weeks excitment was all I felt about this; Happiness & Excitment. I do think though, like any new change, the feelings of dread and doubt are normal, kind of like cold feet before your wedding (Man do I wish I listened to THEM LOL). I spoke with my surgeons office this morning to set up my final appoitment with the surgeon before surgery. That was the first time all weekend long that the excitement came back to me. I was letting the doubt and dread in. Isn't that what happens to most of us though or is it just me? The doubt and dread seep their way through every fiber of my being until I make the wrong decision because I feel like I am not good enough or I don't deserve this chance. I can't let that happen this time around in my life, I just can't. I am at the fork, and it may be the final fork if I don't choose wisely and I want to choose the path that will lead me to health and to life and to freedom. I can't let this dread drag me down and I won't. I need to focus on the big picutre the grand prize. Now how to get rid of the knots in my stomach? Will this blog help me? Will reading the blogs of others help? I don't know but I will figure it out and no matter what I will not let it get the best of me.
So, I went to the Shrink on Friday....boy were we on 2 totally different wave lengths of crazy. I am the cooky kind of crazy. Sometimes I lack a filter from my brain to my mouth and sometimes it gets me into trouble. Well, when I met with the shrink he took the things I was innocently telling him, ya know yes I am on Medication (Lexapro) and he asks what happens if I don't take it. I tell him well my fuse becomes shorter I have no patients and my temper is up (I actually said I get angry very easy and you wouldn't want to see me angry ; just quoting David Banner jeeze didn't he get the joke??). Well the next thing you know he is asking my if my anger has ever gotten me in trouble with the law?? Has it ever cause me to beat my children?? WOOOOOAAA Buddy...I dont' get THAT kind of angry!!! So after a little anger clarification, LOL, we got back on the same page and I think all in all things went well. Like I said earlier I spoke with the Surgeons office today and she mentioned the pysc report, I asked if it would be in on time for the insurance co. to totally approve and she said I was totally approved (I thought I was approved pending the pysc report?!) So then why did I waste $150 on someone who was ready to lock me up?? Ahh..alls well that ends well I guess.
So, I can't believe it 17 days!! The knots......I will work through it :-)
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