18 Days Post-Op

I am 18 Days Post Op. I spoke with the Nut on Friday and explained my extreme hunger situation and that I could not follow this strict diet {if I could I wouldn't need the band}.  She was very happy and pleased to hear from me and said I could eat if it didn't bother me to do so!!!  I told her I cheated once or twice and she didn't yell at me!!  She was so nice and sweet about it and said that I had the Green Light to eat!!!!!  She had asked me if I had weighed myself and I said yes, that I had lost 14 1/2 lbs so according to her then I am doing something right :-)!!!  NOW its Monday and I couldn't control myself, because I did eat, not anything TOO bad just not Mush!!!  I get on the scale and HOLY COW I have lost another 1 1/2 lbs for a TOTAL of 16lBS LOST ALREADY!!! YIPEEEEEEEEEEEE

Thank you!!

I just wanted to really thank everyone for their great advice and support!  I would be SOOO completely lost and confused and alone without all of you, your help, advice.  I am just so nervous that I wont get this right....I am hoping against all hope that I do.  The one bright spot is that I have lost 14lbs since this process has started.  I think the weekend was just too much , too tough and I decided weekends are no longer my friends.  At least during work I am not as tempted as I am at home.  I have started walking more than I ever did.  People in town that I know are actually surprised to see me walking even too the store because it was something I refused to do!!! LOL...stupid I know but walking just hasn't been my thing since I got my own car and drivers lisence (MANY Years ago).  Before that I would walk for hours and hours to get to where I wanted.  These blogs of mine are going to be mostly jumbled and messy and probably sensless, but I guess that is how I am feeling right now so~~~ We are moving and the kids are excited but have to stay behind for a month for school which is stressful, but if I don't go now the good opportunity I have will be missed and so that is making me crazy too!!  My job is making me crazy...you all have the same issues so I know you understand.  I really don't want to fail at ANY of the things I got going on right now, but there seems to be so many of them that the ball is bound to drop somewhere, so where is that going to be??  I know where...the ball will drop on ME and my goals will get lost already and I could just cry.....it will get better and easier.  Who knows maybe tomorrow will be another Wonderful Day!!!

Today is NOT one of the Wonderful days!!

What a difference two days make :-(  Maybe it is lack of sleep, but I am STARVING!!!!  Mush isn't doing me well today, maybe its because it is my first weekend cause at work I was fine.  I took a piece of my daughters cookie and chewed and chewed and chewed but the Gods did not strike me dead and the Earth did not swallow me whole!!!  I had my protien shake~I modified it a little cause man it was nasty!!!  I put 1/2 the powder in and used Greek Yogurt and a bannana it wasn't so bad, but not filling :-(.......if I could control my hunger I wouldn't have wanted the band.


I feel like I am going to fail already.  How did you do it?  Those of you who had to go weeks without ANY mush..........how???

WOW....Life is GOOD Today!!

Ok, so my daughter broke my laptop.....(bad day had a smoke eek)  ANYWAY so it is hard to get on the PC at home, and I was SOOO Busy, I cant even explain it all LOL.  1 week....1 week post op and I feel WONDERFUL.  I have already lost 11 lbs!!  I know it wont ALWAYS be this great but I am enjoying it today!!
I am doing ok the mushy stuff (yogurt, cottage cheese, beans)  Sometimes the port hurts though, it feels like it wants to escape LOL...

1 More Day

I can not BELIEVE that I only have ONE MORE day!!!  It is so exciting.  I am anxious and excited, not because of the surgery itself, but because of the my NEW LIFE!!! The NEW CHANCE at life.  I am freely giving into it.  I do not worry about the surgery itself or the unexpected, I look forward to it all!!  Now, If only I can get through THIS day...the one with NO FOOD and I am not banded so I am STARVING LOL...Well my thoughts and prayers are with anyone who is feeling the same, and with my family {since they are so scared about the actual procedure}.  I 100% know I am meant to do this.  I know it in EVERY fiber of my being!! :-)

See you on the other side...my next post will be from BANDLANDIA!!!!!!!!

17 Days and Counting and Dreading

Over the weekend my dread and doubts really started to surface.  I have changed some of my eating habits to be a bit healther, but I know I would only be able to sustain that "heathly eating" lifestyle for so long before I "fall off the wagon". Right now I am working on the fact that I am nervous.  For the last 2 weeks excitment was all I felt about this; Happiness & Excitment.  I do think though, like any new change, the feelings of dread and doubt are normal, kind of like cold feet before your wedding (Man do I wish I listened to THEM LOL).  I spoke with my surgeons office this morning to set up my final appoitment with the surgeon before surgery.  That was the first time all weekend long that the excitement came back to me.  I was letting the doubt and dread in.  Isn't that what happens to most of us though or is it just me?  The doubt and dread seep their way through every fiber of my being until I make the wrong decision because I feel like I am not good enough or I don't deserve this chance.  I can't let that happen this time around in my life, I just can't.  I am at the fork, and it may be the final fork if I don't choose wisely and I want to choose the path that will lead me to health and to life and to freedom.  I can't let this dread drag me down and I won't.  I need to focus on the big picutre the grand prize.  Now how to get rid of the knots in my stomach?  Will this blog help me?  Will reading the blogs of others help?  I don't know but I will figure it out and no matter what I will not let it get the best of  me.

So, I went to the Shrink on Friday....boy were we on 2 totally different wave lengths of crazy.  I am the cooky kind of crazy.  Sometimes I lack a filter from my brain to my mouth and sometimes it gets me into trouble.  Well, when I met with the shrink he took the things I was innocently telling him, ya know yes I am on Medication (Lexapro) and he asks what happens if I don't take it.  I tell him well my fuse becomes shorter I have no patients and my temper is up (I actually said I get angry very easy and you wouldn't want to see me angry ; just quoting David Banner jeeze didn't he get the joke??).  Well the next thing you know he is asking my if my anger has ever gotten me in trouble with the law?? Has it ever cause me to beat my children?? WOOOOOAAA Buddy...I dont' get THAT kind of angry!!! So after a little anger clarification, LOL, we got back on the same page and I think all in all things went well.  Like I said earlier I spoke with the Surgeons office today and she mentioned the pysc report, I asked if it would be in on time for the insurance co. to totally approve and she said I was totally approved (I thought I was approved pending the pysc report?!) So then why did I waste $150 on someone who was ready to lock me up??  Ahh..alls well that ends well I guess.

So, I can't believe it 17 days!!  The knots......I will work through it :-)

HMMM

Well I just wanted to write this down.  It doesn't have much at all to do with my WLS, but I just wanted to "get it out".  So I have been waiting and waiting for my "husband" to sign the dang divorce papers.  Everytime I ask he has some excuse or another (no big surprise after 10 years together I know him all too well!).  But I can't really tell anyone without it coming out the wrong way.  I am SAD about it :-(
Not becasue I want him back or anything silly like that, it is just SAD......I never went into marriage thinking I would ever get a divorce.  I put up with so much in my marriage to avoid divorce, but I guess some things are inevitable.  He will have the papers ready by Tuesday!

OK back to my WLS, not much has changed since my last post.  I went 2 days ago for my ABG* (it didn't hurt just left a nasty bruise), today I had a PFT* and tonight I meet with they Pychiatrist.  Lets see if I can put on my sane face LOL......

I will keep you posted (even though nobody is reading LOL----one day maybe)

FOR PULMINARY CLEARANCE:
ABG (arterial blood gas)
PFT (pulminary function test)